“Straight Talk” – Ephesians 4:25-5:2 – August 9, 2009
Most everyone has had an experience with a doctor when they didn’t understand what he/she was saying. Doctors have their own language, a language that we commoners don’t understand. Have you every said to your physician, “Just give it to me straight, doc, please speak in plain English, in words I can understand?”
Here in Ephesians we find Paul speaking to the church with “straight talk.” Paul didn’t mix words or beat around the bush. What he said was simple enough that no one could take issue with what Paul was saying.
First he said, “Let us speak the truth.” In other words, it is essential that as believers, we need to be honest with each other. Unfortunately most of us are not honest, especially when it comes to sharing our true feelings. For example, when someone asks how we are, we generally say, “I’m fine” or “I’m good.” One man I know always responds by saying, “I’m super.” The truth is no one is being honest. People hurt, people are struggling, people are emotionally troubled, but they rarely communicate their true feelings.
Perhaps we are too proud to expose our hurts. Most probably, we are conditioned to hide what we feel because we are so used to being ignored. Since no one listens to us we keep up our guard by not sharing our true feelings. Our conversations end up being just small talk. We dance around what we really feel by talking about the weather or sports or politics. If no one cares, why should we risk telling others what we really feel?
Paul, however is encouraging us to be honest, in spite of the fact that most people won’t pick up on what we are saying. He says that because there is a remnant of folks who will indeed take the time to listen and have an honest conversation with us. As a community of faith, we are to be exactly those who do take the time to listen. In other words, our faith will shine through when we are willing to share what we feel and at the same time be willing to listen to the feelings of others.
Secondly, Paul said, “Be angry, but do not sin: do not let the sun go down on your anger.” Paul acknowledged that there are times when we need to share our feelings, even our negative ones. Some things upset us. Sometimes people do things that set us off. “But,” Paul says, “do not sin.” I believe he is saying, don’t stay angry. Don’t be revengeful. Know that anger is a normal feeling, but at some point you have to let it go.
In his book, “Why Bad Things Happen to Good People,” Rabbi Kushner said that he had to get over being angry at God when his son died. Anger is one of the stages of grief, according to Elizabeth Kubler Ross, that we go through when we have lost a loved one. It’s okay to be angry but its not okay to stay angry or use that anger as a club.
A cousin of mine came to be with us last weekend for my father’s memorial service. He told me that one thing he remembered about my dad was he never once saw him angry. That was a tremendous comfort and great tribute to my dad who lived a long and active Christian life. He was, I believe, one who “imitated God, one who lived in God’s love.”
Third, Paul said, “Be kind to one another.” Our society is so business centered and structured with policies and rules, kindness is often suppressed because of our system. Structure may maintain order, but it also inhibits people from being empathic and genuine. It’s hard to show kindness when the environment we live in is so rigid and beaurocratic.
Recently, before he died, my father was hospitalized in an intensive care unit at a hospital in Gainesville, Georgia. Although the medical community did everything they could to save my dad, he was losing his battle with life. Dad had a living will and he communicated to us that he did not want to die on life support. My brothers and I honored his wish and the medical community agreed.
During his time in ICU our family was treated with overwhelming kindness and compassion. They told us we could stay with him as long as we needed. We didn’t have to abide by their “visitation policy.” They listened and took the time to answer our questions. They did errands for us, kept us completely informed. They even brought us coffee. Their hospitality was beyond the call of duty and they made us feel welcome in their space.
Normally when a person is no longer on life support they are moved to another unit. In this case they did not move my dad. They kept him in the same room. The room was spacious which gave our family plenty of room to “hang out and come and go as we could.
As a pastor I have been in hospitals thousands of times. There have been times when I have been made to feel that I was in the way. Other times I have been with families who hung out in waiting areas, having no idea of their loved one’s status. The folks in Gainesville were kind and “tenderhearted,” as Paul has encouraged us to be. For their kindness I will be eternally grateful.
Our society is too cold and impersonal. I believe it is aggressive. It’s all about being in a hurry, winning and looking out for one’s self. I think Paul is saying we need to be softer. It’s not about competition. It’s not about keeping score. Also, it doesn’t belong to us, it belongs to God.
When we are kind and tenderhearted we see others through their eyes, not ours. It’s also about putting ourselves in their shoes. Therefore we can feel and understand what they are going through.
Lastly, Paul said we need to “forgive one another.” Apparently, Paul wanted the early church to be an example to the masses. The rest of society would take notice because they did not hold grudges against each other. They were to be a people who could let go of bitterness and anger and keep their relationships in tact.
My mother was one who truly believed in forgiveness. Her older brother and sister were estranged their entire lives. My mother frequently encouraged them to reconcile. Finally, before my aunt died, my uncle went to Florida to visit his sister. They reconciled their differences and my aunt died in peace.
If I have learned anything this past month, with the death of my parents, I have learned that our time can come at any moment. What a comfort it is when we have made an effort to reconcile ourselves with those we have been estranged. I am sure that Paul would say, “Don’t wait, or don’t put it off. Living a life of forgiveness is the true mark of a believer.”
It is not any easy task to live up to Paul’s straight talk. None of us can expect perfection. We can only strive to live as Paul suggests. On one hand he said these words to strengthen the church. On the other hand he wants us to live our lives in peace.
By the way, I certainly don’t mean to criticize physicians for talking in a language we don’t understand. Many are very compassionate and understanding. As I was finishing this sermon, two medical doctors (members of my church) stopped by my office to make sure I was getting along okay and to be with me in my time of grief. I don’t always understand medical jargon, but I certainly understood their kindness and love.
Dr. Keith Wagner